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Battle of Taanab
The Battle of Taanab was a completely unimportant skirmish in Galactic history. However, Lando Calrissian and his good friend Tommy Rodes concocted a completely phony story in which they portrayed themselves as the heroes of the battle in an elaborate attempt to to score with the ladies. Background Taanab was a backwater planet that nobody paid any attention to, so it was a good place for Lando to use as the basis for his military prowess. Lando and Tommy liked to hang out at the cantinas there because, well, "what happens in Taanab stays in Taanab." The system was too lame and out of the way to be protected from pirate attacks by Imperial Forces. However, due to the general lack of interesting stuff in Taanab, pirate attacks, while frequent, were generally pretty lame. One day Lando and Tommy were attempting to make a move on some cougars at the main Taanab Cantina when suddenly alarms indicated an attack. Everyone pretty much ignored the alarms, as they were used to them. They figured it was another feeble pirate "attack". They were right. However, Lando and Tommy were not familiar with the lack of severity in the attacks, and they freaked out and hid in the men's room. They both held their breaths and hoped to ride out the attack. Outcome As it turns out, the "attack" was nothing more than a single drunken offworlder with an prosthetic hand and a limp attempting to break into a vending machine and steal a bottle of Spratch. Not hearing much commotion, Lando cautiously stepped out of the men's room. As he opened the door, the "pirate" was walking by and slammed into the door. The bottle of Spratch flew into the air, and Lando caught it. He looked down and immediately recognized the guy as someone he had beaten in a game of Sabacc a few years back. He helped him up and asked him his name. The dazed marauder stuttered "My name is Coltfor Teefive. I remember you." Lando, realizing Teefive was down on his luck, handed him the Spratch, and said "Look, the beer is on me. Get out of here, and there will be no trouble." Teefive gratefully took the beer and was on his way. A lovely lady passing by was impressed with Lando's compassion, and decided to hang out with him. She asked him how he defeated the pirate so Lando summarized his door-opening move and said, "It works every time." Legacy The Battle of Taanab was over, but Lando and Tommy used it as the basis of their fantastic story of outsmarting and destroying an entire fleet of pirates during a conflict in which Lando saved Tommy's life more than once. The story got both of them laid several times. This story became so successful that Lando would use "Someone told her about my little maneuver at the Battle of Taanab," to indicate that he had slept with a woman. Lando's fictional exploits eventually got him a commission as a General in the Rebel Alliance, a position which apparently could be earned by almost anyone with a pulse. Category:Battle